


Problem Children

by AbbyRosette



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Body Dysphoria, Fluff and Angst, Other, Trans Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-28
Updated: 2015-01-28
Packaged: 2018-03-09 11:00:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,025
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3247199
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AbbyRosette/pseuds/AbbyRosette
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>So this was Mutsuki Tooru...? He was the one that Suzuya was accompanying to the ghoul auction. Mutsuki Tooru was the lure on the end of CCG's line. And somehow they expected him to survive? He was small. Maybe only slightly taller than Suzuya, if at all. They took in the sight of him where his hands were now balled up, fistfulls of the apron's fabric squeezed tight. The soft-spokenness, the eyepatch, even the small timid frown on his lips...it all screamed of Haise. Well, the old Haise. The one they'd met years ago when they stole his wallet. The one who didn't seem to exist anymore. Kaneki had been his name, right? The same age as Suzuya, even had a school ID to prove it.<br/>And what had happened to that Kaneki boy?<br/>What would happen to Mutsuki?<br/>//<br/>Mutsuki shows Suzuya how to cook and the fluff is interrupted by angst.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Problem Children

**Author's Note:**

> Warnings for menstruation/body dysphoria!!! If you're not up to date on Tokyo Ghoul:RE (chapter 13), then don't read unless you want major spoilers and confusion! 
> 
> I am cis, so if I get anything wrong or need to change anything please lemme know! Hit a sister up, because I gotta be doin' this stuff right!  
> If you want, you can find me on tumblr @ asexualmutsuki.tumblr.com!  
> Enjoy!

The sound of upholstery ripping rang through the air, Mutsuki’s head filling with the skittering beat of his own heart as it leapt in his chest. The hot puffy breaths of almost-formed laughter tore from the ghoul’s salivating mouth. Mutsuki did his best to evade the snarling teeth of the ghoul’s kagune as it flashed out toward him, but the confined space was working against him. Stones seemed to gather in his stomach, weighing him down as he realized that he could only buy himself so much time before it was too late. That’s all this was: Borrowed time before the end. It would run out. Hopeless. He was hopeless. He was the weakest link. He didn’t even deserve to be--  


A gutteral cry tore from his throat, thoughts ceasing in a black haze as his body seemed to overflow with pain. The ghoul’s kagune had collided with his stomach, knocking the air out of him and pinning him to the taxi’s back seat. He choked out for words, but none came. All he could do was watch in horror as the ghoul ripped open his shirt with trembling hungry hands. All Mutsuki could see were eyes. Eyes trailing along the curve of the very thing he had been keeping under wraps. Eyes that would swallow him up in that horrible gaze. (Exposed. Exposed. And no way to stop it.) He grit his teeth against the pain. It gripped him, squeezing tightly --mercilessly. It spread around his lower abdomen like an infection, wrapping around to his back and radiating down his thighs. He marveled at the pain, feeling his breath come in shallow gasps until--  


Mutsuki sat bolt upright in bed, gasping before falling back to the mattress in a small heap. It had only been a dream, Torso's shadowed face still floating in the back of his mind like drops of ink spoiling water's clarity. He gripped his sides, contorted in pain. Torso's attack had been a dream, but the pain was all too real. His throat felt thick as he realized what that meant...  
The alarm went off with an irritating buzz, but he didn't know if he'd have it in him to get out of bed and turn it off. It sat across the room on his desk, a tactic he'd hoped would get him up every morning with minimal use of the snooze button. But now getting up seemed like an insurmountable feat. He'd been afraid of this. He'd even put on a pad before bed the previous night, knowing he was due soon. But this was even worse than usual. How would he explain this to Sasaki? How could he? This wretched body of his was weak. It caused him too much pain, in many ways. Sometimes he imagined it melting out from around him, leaving him with something new. Something glittering and...right. Yeah, something right. But this was the only body he had, and he had to treat it properly if he wanted to become able to pull his own weight. Now to pull his weight out of bed...  


"Mutsuki?" A knock came at the door, startling him.  


"C-come in," Mutsuki offered.  


Sasaki poked his head in, glancing at the alarm clock in confusion before stepping in to turn it off himself. "Were you sleeping through your alarm? That's unlike you." The concern was evident in his tone and Mutsuki's stomach twisted even more.  


(Weakling. Weakling. Weakling that everyone must fret over like a child.)  


He pushed that thought down and forced himself to sit up, a weak smile playing across his mouth. "I'm sorry, Sassan. I'm just...feeling a little sick."  


That concerned look cemented itself in place and his mentor came forward to gingerly press a hand to Mutsuki's forehead. "Are you okay? You don't seem to have a fever..."  
"Ah," He swallowed thickly, not sure how to go about this. "It's my stomach. Um...don't worry too much about me, please! I just-- I need some ibuprofen and a little rest. I'll be okay. Really!"  
His brow was still creased, but Sasaki's hand dropped to his side. At least that was a start. "I'll get that for you right away! Do you think you can hold down a little toast and water?"  
"Yeah, sure." Mutsuki said it just to get him out of the room. He just wanted to curl up and pretend he didn't exist until the pain went away. It would be faster and easier to just let Sasaki do his mothering. He'd learned that much. They all had.  
In the end, when Sasaki returned with the toast and two little blue pills, Mutsuki was ordered to stay home for the day. After all, he needed all the rest he could get. This translated into something more like, "You need all the rest you can get if you want to be a squad member worth being on payroll." in Mutsuki's head. He pulled the blankets over his face with a huff as Sasaki and Shirazu said their goodbyes through the door, and then he was alone. 

By the time late afternoon rolled around, he was feeling much better. He'd gotten himself dressed and took the time to tidy up around the house a bit. Anything to occupy his mind when it began to race to unpleasant corners, and anything to feel at least a little bit useful. It was eerily quiet, and he realized that this was the first time he'd ever been home alone.  


Home. Yeah, that's what this place was. This was home.  


With a sigh, he glanced at the clock. He'd dusted and swept and couldn't think of much else to do. Sasaki would be arriving home with everyone in about an hour and-- Dinner! Mutsuki would make dinner! It was just a small thing to take off of Sasaki's hands. It was the least he could do since everyone else had to make do without him at work that day. He could already picture the pleasant surprise on Sasaki's face when he entered the house, warm and fragrant with food, after the walk back in the chilly autumn air. Saiko would practically be drooling. He chuckled a bit to himself and took to rummaging around the kitchen until he found something acceptable to make. Stew, it would be stew. A nice and hearty one, too. They'd just gone to the store so there were plenty of veggies and some meat he could cook up before throwing it into the pot. Yes, this was something that he could definitely do. So after rolling up his sleeves and donning an apron, he got to work.  


The meat was sizzling in the pot and the beginning of the stew was just beginning to warm up on the stove when a knock came at the door.  


"Ah--! Be right there!" He called, setting his wooden spoon down with a clatter.  


This time the doorbell was the guest's weapon of choice as they jammed it down rapid-fire.  


"Coming!" Mutsuki called, his voice going a bit higher in pitch. The door swung open to reveal a young boy --at least, he thought it was a boy. Wasn't he? Mutsuki didn't want to assume... He immediately recognized them as Associate Special Class Suzuya. Their black hair swept down around their eyes, not quite blocking out the strange smile contained within. Their finger still rested on the doorbell and they rang it one more time as they said hello.  


"Ah! A-associate Special Class Suzuya!" Mutsuki bowed quickly, "I wasn't expecting any company."  


"Clearly," Suzuya said, offhandedly gesturing to the white ruffled apron that shouted, 'I would make chef puns, but that wouldn't be very knife' in all caps across the chest. Sasaki had been the only one to ever use it previously, and for good reason. Most everyone else wouldn't have been caught dead in it.  


Mutsuki cleared his throat nervously, uncomfortable under the weight of Suzuya's gaze. He'd heard plenty of rumors about the person. That they were an excellently skilled ghoul hunter, but not very skilled with actual people. The CCG's problem child, or something. But Suzuya hadn't seemed all too bad in their meetings. A little unconventional, but... But still those reddish colored eyes set Mutsuki on edge. "I was just uh...making dinner! For my squad! Er-- not my squad. I'm not the squad leader. But--"  


"Sweet, is Haise here?" They asked, pushing past the more timid boy and into the house.  


"By all means, come in." Mutsuki said belatedly, hoping Suzuya wouldn't notice the slight sarcastic edge to his words.  


"Where's Haise?" They asked again, glancing around the deserted living room and quietly sniffing at the air.  


"Oh, he's running a little late from work. I'm here alone for now." Mutsuki explained.  


"Hm?" They turned their gaze back to the boy, "If everyone's still at work, then what're you doing here?"  


Mutsuki rubbed the back of his neck guiltily, "I was sick."  


"You don't look sick."  


"Neither do you, but you're not at work right now either."  


"Fair enough," Suzuya just shrugged and returned to glancing around the place, "Well that's okay, I can just look for it myself." They began to wander casually toward the kitchen, Mutsuki following like an uncertain puppy.  


"Look for what?" He eyed Suzuya as they pushed into the kitchen. The other's face was so feminine, a comforting sight if it weren't for those eyes. They were wide and constantly asking some sort of question, almost childlike. But at the office, everyone had used "he" when addressing Suzuya. Absently, Mutsuki wondered if others thought of him in the same way. Did he confuse people the way that Suzuya was currently confusing him? The thought made his stomach flip. He really hoped not...he hoped that his desire to live as a man would always be respected. Perhaps Suzuya had a similar desire? Oh no, Mutsuki was getting ahead of himself. There was no firm reason for him to believe such things. (Desperate. Desperate. Never going to find someone else like you here.)  


"--so I convinced him to get me snacks this time to make up for it. He said that they'd be waiting for me after work today."  


Crap, Suzuya had been talking that whole time Mutsuki had been in thought. He nodded and pretended that he'd heard the whole thing. "I see..."  


"So if I just look around, I'm sure I can find them!" Suzuya finished cheerfully, beginning to rummage through the cupboard. "Also, your thing is boiling."  


"Ah!" Mutsuki leapt forward and turned the heat down on the burner, stirring it carefully before beginning the task of adding the meat. He stirred it in slowly, savoring the scent. Sasaki did this for them all the time, but could never eat the end result himself. Mutsuki wondered if he missed the taste of human food, or if he remembered it at all. At least normal ghouls had been repulsed by it all of their lives so they didn't even know what they were missing. But Sasaki...  


The sudden absence of cabinets opening and closing occurred to Mutsuki and he turned on his heels to look questioningly at his guest. Suzuya stood there, openly staring at him with wide eyes.  


"What?" Mutsuki asked, pursing his lips, "Don't you cook?"  


"Yeah, I make ramen all the time."  


“Then you should know how to stir a pot like this,” Mutsuki demonstrated the stirring motion with his big wooden spoon before internally chastising himself at how blunt he sounded. Suzuya was still his superior and he couldn't just speak to him however he pleased!  


“Huh? What do you mean?" The other asked, unfazed, "I just microwave those bricks of noodles in a cup.”  


“You....you mean you eat instant noodles?” “  


"Yeah, every day. Why?”  


“Oh um………..nothing.” Mutsuki cringed toward the stove at the thought: Suzuya Juuzou, the MSG poisoning superstar.  


Suzuya watched as Mutsuki washed and peeled the vegetables, staying silent until it came time to slice them and Mutsuki pulled out a knife.  


"Are you going to chop those up?" Suzuya asked, the question so simply and innocently that Mutsuki almost felt bad for thinking he was creepy earlier.  


"Yeah, I am." He nodded.  


"Lemme do it!" Suzuya's hands outstretched, they made grabbing motions at the vegetables lined up on the cutting board before Mutsuki stepped aside and let them in closer.  


"Oh, um sure! I have a knife here and--"  


Before he could finish, Suzuya had pulled a blade out from the inside of his jacket. Mutsuki swallowed thickly and pretended that he hadn't seen that.  


Suzuya diced the vegetables with a fierce tenacity and swiftness that almost frightened Mutsuki. He imagined the other slicing through ghoul flesh with the same vigor and accuracy, rending ghoul meat from bone. His meat, if he ever lost control. (Stupid. Stupid. If he ever had the power to lose control in the first place.) Sasaki's too. He shuddered, though he knew he shouldn’t have felt that way. Kindness would kill them one day, Akira had said so herself. And vaguely he wondered if that day had come. Suzuya's hands seemed to tremble with restless boredom as he worked away.  


"You're Mucchan, right?" Suzuya finished cutting.  


"Huh?" He realized he'd been openly staring and quickly turned to gaze into the pot of stew.  


"I heard them call you that." Suzuya supplied, looking over at Mutsuki's lost face. The boy still refused to look back their way. "Should I add this to the pot?"  


"Please do," He answered the last question first, "A-and Mutsuki. My name is Mutsuki Tooru." He hesitated, stirring in the vegetables. "Did you forget?"  


"Nah," Suzuya fibbed, "I've heard some things about you."  


Now this was a strange turn of events. The rhythm of Mutsuki's stirring hiccupped. What could that even mean? What was being said? His shoulders seemed to lock up, stiff at the notion of being to subject of workplace gossip.  


“What? I’m sure you’ve heard plenty about me.” Suzuya shrugged, “I don’t get it? What’s the big deal? If they look at you the wrong way..." They seemed to darken, mouth pulling back in a grin that showed a sharp row of teeth, "...just make them stop.”  


Mutsuki's heart skipped a beat.  


Laughter bubbled up from between Suzuya's exposed teeth and they wiggled their fingers in mock spookiness, “You should see how big your eyes just got.”  


"Associate Special Class Suzuya!" Mutsuki choked, shaking his head vigorously and looking back to the stew. Back to the rolling boil that tossed little bits of meat and veggie on the current. Looking anywhere but at his present company. His cheeks grew pink, hot.  


So this was Mutsuki Tooru...? He was the one that Suzuya was accompanying to the ghoul auction. Mutsuki Tooru was the lure on the end of CCG's line. And somehow they expected him to survive? He was small. Maybe only slightly taller than Suzuya, if at all. They took in the sight of him where his hands were now balled up, fistfulls of the apron's fabric squeezed tight. The soft-spokenness, the eyepatch, even the small timid frown on his lips...it all screamed of Haise. Well, the old Haise. The one they'd met years ago when they stole his wallet. The one who didn't seem to exist anymore. Kaneki had been his name, right? The same age as Suzuya, even had a school ID to prove it.  


And what had happened to that Kaneki boy?  


What would happen to Mutsuki?  


"Ah! What--!" Mutsuki yelped as the world was yanked out from beneath him. He was lucky he hadn't taken the searing hot stew down with him! The back of his head knocked against the tile floor just a little too hard, and he gasped for breath. A weight held him down, light but forceful enough to keep him still. His hands flew up instinctively, pressing against this force. They met warm fabric and a perfectly serene heartbeat.  


"...dead,"  


Mutsuki shook his head before feeling the brush of sharp metal against his exposed neck. Then he lay still, swallowing thickly. The world vibrated back into the right frequency and he blinked. "What?"  


"I said," Suzuya said, a sing-song lilt in their voice, "you'd be dead." They pressed the knife closer to Mutsuki's throat and the boy couldn't help but picture it slicing through his skin as easily as it had an onion.  


"W-what are you doing?" He stuttered, not daring to move.  


Suzuya didn't move from his spot, either. Straddling Mutsuki where he lay across the floor and pinning him down. The poor boy still had the wooden spoon clutched in his hand, eyes endearingly wide in shock. 

"We're going to the ghoul auction together in a couple of weeks," Suzuya began, "I just wanted to know who I was working with."  


"Oh..." His gaze fell and he let his hands fall from Suzuya's chest to the floor.  


"Well don't do that!" Suzuya complained, "Get me off!"  


"I-- I beg your pardon?!"  


"Make me get off of you!" They continued, not acknowledging Mutsuki's shock. "Don't just lay there!"  


"What's all this?"  


The voice made them both look up, Mutsuki struggling to raise his gaze without pressing his neck further into the blade. Sasaki stood in the kitchen doorway, Shirazu and Saiko standing further back and peeping over curiously.  


Suzuya's face broke into a radiant grin, "Haise! We made dinner!"  


"I can see that..." He nodded, "But do you think you can unhand my squad member?" It was punctuated with a good-natured laugh that eased Mutsuki's nerves at least a little bit.  


Suzuya pouted.  


"Release Mucchan, and I'll give you those sweets that I owe you."  


"Deal!" They leapt up lithely, allowing Mutsuki to sit up and take a breath in relief. Sasaki shot him a look as if to say, "Please explain later," and he nodded.  


"Oh and Mutsuki," Suzuya grinned, arms outstretched and ready to receive their gift, "Next time you should let me chop up the meat, too!"  


"Next time...?" Mutsuki squeaked.  


It looked like the CCG's "problem child" was becoming Mutsuki's problem.


End file.
